i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
