You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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