Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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