Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
