I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
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