And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
