just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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