fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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