i permit you to call me
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
