I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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