I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
