Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
