he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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