it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
