Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
is that a dick in a sweater?
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