Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I forget how to act sober
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize