i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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