I puked a lego.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Randomize
