let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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