ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
