the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My cat gives me a boner
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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