A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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