I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
