fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
