I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
