If you die in college, do you die in real life?
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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