life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
