you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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