her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
it was like eating out sand paper
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
