How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
i black out too much to be "responsible"
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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