That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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