He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
