you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize