Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I love you. Go after that dick
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
