it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
