Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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