Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
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