I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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