i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
