I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
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