My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
