Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
