you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
