Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
