You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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