i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
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Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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