why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
