Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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