"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
