When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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