I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize