A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just cut my nipple shaving
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
