What tipped you off? The sombrero?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Randomize
