so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
