Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
