finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
