I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Randomize
