it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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