My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
