Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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