I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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