I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
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