wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
