your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
You need a sexual gate keeper
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
